WOW !!! I go back and read what I wrote and think to myself what a fool.  He is a low life nasty cheater and get deserves everything that is coming to him...kids still don't want to see you...havent even talked to them in 2 months and you think that is ok...I hope that you and that bitch you are living with rot in HELL !!!

NOTHING !!

Months have gone by and it seems like time has stood still for me.  All the emotions I have did not change.  They say time heals all wounds, I don't think my wounds will ever be healed.  I have never felt so empty and sad in my life, I just want to lay down and sleep until the suffering is gone.  I try so had to not think about him but it don't work I feel as if a part of me is missing, I have actual pain in my heart from the lonelyness. I pray every night for a mircle, and I listen for Jesus to give me the answers but I guess I am not listening good enough because I don't ever hear it.  There are many days that I sit in my room in the dark and listen for the answer but never seems to come.  I sit alone and think about my life and why is this happening to me.  The darkness is the only place I feel I deserve to be, so I guess I will just sit and hope my answer comes.

WILL IT EVER END !!!

It is very clear to me and my kids that daddy does not want anything to do with them.  Why can't he just pay his child support and leave us alone.  I know that not a nice thing to say but the hurt my kids have to deal with very Sunday they are so tired of being rejected by daddy and only seeing them when it is ok for him..I just wish the love I feel for him would go leave me stop tormenting me every minute of every day...I thought I had a helper to get him back but now I am wondering if it was all lies...she don't answer the phone or return messages...I just know in my heart that he still loves me just wish he would just ??? whatever !!!  I think this whole thing is stupid he should have fought harder for us I tried with everything I had to do that just could not handle the hurtful words and the way he made me feel like I was a parasite...Please dear lord help me !!!

Thank You

I had a chance today to talk with pastor Carr, I have been wanting to for awhile, we all prayed together.  Dear Jesus please here my pray please open Matt's heart and make him see that what he is doing is wrong and open his heart to your love, make him see that you are the right path, and that he needs to go home to his family....Thank you so much for sending pastor Carr for me to talk today he has made me feel so much better with his words, now we just need to get threw to Matt !!!!!

I think this blog thing is great you can sit and say anything and no one can judge you.  This whole thing has given me a new out look on life, never thought my life would ever end up this way.  My poor excuse for a husband is texting now that he can't get the kids like he is suppose to, which is ok with the kids they really prefer not to see him at all but it is ordered by the courts.  I am so tired of being the nice guy I will not I repeat I will not let him do this any longer.  If my kids don't want to see him I will not make them go and if he or that bitch he is living with now don't like it to bad, they can both take a flying leap.  He is such a poor excuse for a daddy I hope that a day will come when he has to pay for what he has done to are kids they are the greatest kids and don't deserve what he is doing to them.  I hope that that bitch he is living with now will rot in hell she will get her's.  She will not run are lives any longer it will be up to my kids what they want to do. I AM DONE !!!!!!!

Not a day goes by !!!

It has been almost three months now and it seems like yesterday that we had that fight and I made u leave.  I just want my old life back minus the mean Matt, other than that are life was pretty good.  I can feel down deep in my soul that u still love me and thing about me alot, when will the day come when u knock at my door and ask for forgives, I will forgive u but things have to be differnt u need to get help for the anger problems u have and for feeling like u need to sleep with other woman, I thought that are love making was good and that I satified u, why must this pain go on please just come back we can work threw it are love is very deep and I understand everything about u....I have told u that I am sorry for everything I said and did, if I can forgive u for sleeping with another woman then u can forgive me....Please hun forgive me and come home we love u with all are hearts !

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you, you are the first thing I think about in the morning and last thing I think about before I sleep.  So many people tell me to give up he does not love you anymore.  How can you tell somone for 11 years that you love and always will, then leave your family and say that you do not love me any longer.  I spent so many hours just trying to understand that. How can you be so heartless your kids love you want daddy to come home. Well that what I get for screaming at you to leave, you did not want to leave that night but my heart just could not take the pain any longer the hurt full coments. I would like to say that I am sorry for everything I said that hurt you and hope that u will someday find it in your heart to forgive and see that I love you and always will.